Tweens, Teens and The New Tech Social Order

The presence of computers and the Internet has spurred a monumental transfer of power from adult to child.   Prior to the Internet, adults controlled most factors of their children’s social interactions: where, when, how and with whom.

But, the Internet has given children the power to interact with one another and with adults, across all social, cultural, and national boundaries, without the knowledge or permission of their parents. This capability has happened too quickly for society to develop a means for protecting children who use the Internet, and adults have too little time or know-how to keep pace with their children’s seemingly effortless proficiency.

The result is a new and rapidly evolving social order in which children have access to a powerful tool for which they have little modeling and supervision.  Today, a child can see some of the most violent, sexual and morally repugnant realities of the adult world; but because parents are either ignorant of or uncertain how to manage their children’s Internet activity, children are likely to continue its use unseen and unprotected.

Check out The Three P’s of Parenting for ways to protect your child effectively from predators online and in person.  Also find support for you and your child in safe use of the Internet at www.netsmartz.org.

What We Learned from the UK Facebook Pedophile Case: Part 1

The recent horrific case of pedophilia in the UK nursery school is not just a bizarre occurrence.  It is a wakeup call for parents everywhere.

It is undeniable that children today are more vulnerable to threat from strangers, through the Internet, as a result of the fragmentation of communities, and due to the increased number of activities children and parents schedule day-to-day.   The fact is, there is less face time between parent and child today, and there are fewer known and trusted faces in a community.

While the reality may be difficult to absorb, you can safely assume that your child has been or will be approached by a predator, either online or in person.  Therefore, it is your duty to prepare your child for this experience, even if doing so makes you uncomfortable.

It’s important for parents to understand that protection is not just about blocking the Internet or being suspicious of every stranger.    You can’t always be there to protect your child, so the best protection you can offer is preparation. 

By preparing your child, you are not only providing safeguards, but you are showing him that you are aware of potential danger.   You want him to see that you are in the know when it comes to any threat.  This builds his confidence in you and in your ability to protect him.    If your child is approached by a predator, in person or online, and has not had preparation for the experience, he will sense that a threat exists outside of your control.   He will doubt your ability to protect him because the predator was able to access him without your knowing.  Because you did not prepare him, he assumes that you are unaware of this threat.

Remember that young children internalize blame for harm they suffer, so if your child is preyed upon, he is unlikely to alert you because he feels embarrassed and responsible for the threat. He fears the predator, but he also fears your judgment, and so he may act out to get more of your protective attention, while concealing the true reason for wanting it.

In the coming weeks, I will provide clear, simple and immediate steps for every parent to use in guaranteeing their children’s safety from predators like those in the UK nursery school case. 

Next post:   “Building a Presence in the Vulnerable Spaces of Your Child’s Day”