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Last week I shared some tips for louis vuitton sale new york adoptive parents who already have children.  Here are some more:

Prepare 

So much is louis vuitton sale new york involved in the adoption of a child, and that process can louis vuitton sale new york be all consuming.  However, it louis vuitton sale new york is critical that your preparation ensure that your children have ample time to louis vuitton sale new york adjust to the arrival of a new child and to be louis vuitton sale new york prepared to provide support for that child as a new member of the louis vuitton sale new york family.  There are louis vuitton sale new york several ways to do this, and you should start as soon as you louis vuitton sale new york have certainty that a new child will be coming.
 
Books and Movies to Build Context

Children under the age of 10 are louis vuitton sale new york unlikely to have the proper intellectual context to get the idea of adoption.  Books and movies can help.

There are dozens of children’s books available today that louis vuitton sale new york portray the experience of a new adopted sibling, such as:
 
The Magical Friendship Garden
What is Adoption? prada tote handbags 2011 
 
…and movies such as Disney’s Snow Dogs order louis vuitton duffle bag.
 
Begin introducing storybooks and louis vuitton sale new york your own created stories at bedtime around the idea of adopting a louis vuitton sale new york new child.    The first step in preparing a child is helping him/her create a “cognitive context” for the process.  Children under 10 may have louis vuitton sale new york trouble connecting the dots associated with adoption, so first you need to louis vuitton sale new york help them establish a framework for understanding it.
 
Role play
 
Role play is louis vuitton sale new york the single most effective parenting tool there is for dealing with troubling issues of all kinds.  I always recommend that louis vuitton sale new york families incorporate role play into their lives on a regular basis and louis vuitton sale new york make it a ritualistic form of communicating, sharing and problem solving.
 
Role play simply implies acting out scenarios, allowing you louis vuitton sale new york and your children to switch roles back and forth to experiment with what louis vuitton sale new york is going to happen and how everyone in the scenario acts and louis vuitton sale new york feels.
 
Role playing adoption will be louis vuitton sale new york much more effective after you have established context with books and/or movies.
 
Invite your louis vuitton sale new york child to play the role of himself, the adopted child, or louis vuitton sale new york the parent.  Take turns switching.  Suggest language that louis vuitton sale new york the child can use toward the adopted child and toward the louis vuitton sale new york parent. 
 
With children under 6 you louis vuitton sale new york will find that the use of puppets, stuffed animals or any object that louis vuitton sale new york serves as a role in your play will help your child project difficult feelings and louis vuitton sale new york explore them.  Projection is louis vuitton sale new york a healthy process for young children, who are naturally inclined to louis vuitton sale new york internalize what they feel and then act it out in destructive behavior.   Role play provides a healthy “solution stage” for children who don’t yet have louis vuitton sale new york the sophisticated vocabulary or cognitive processes to solve emotional problems and louis vuitton sale new york communicate constructively with you.

Louis vuitton sale new york

I have louis vuitton sale new york worked with schools and families for over 2 decades, and I am louis vuitton sale new york still amazed at the problem of telling time.  Most children under the age of 8 cannot tell time perfectly.  Half of them cannot tell time correctly within the half hour.  Why? 

For some strange reason, we do not teach children to louis vuitton sale new york tell time as a quantity first.  We start by teaching them the louis vuitton sale new york position of the hands, but most children are not cognitively wired to louis vuitton sale new york understand this fully until the age of 8-10.  All research done on this louis vuitton sale new york topic shows that children cannot tell time accurately to the louis vuitton sale new york minute until close to the age of 10.

And yet, time is so essential.  There are louis vuitton sale new york at least a dozen instances in my day of parenting my child for louis vuitton sale new york which I need him to “get” the concept of time as a quantity. 

How many times have you screamed “5 more minutes!” to your child who louis vuitton sale new york is engrossed in something at the playground, only to have louis vuitton sale new york them look at you vaguely and continue as if you louis vuitton sale new york said nothing? 

And how many times have louis vuitton sale new york you put your child in timeout for 15 minutes and watched them squirm, complain and louis vuitton sale new york ask “Is it 15 minutes yet?”  incessantly.

These things happen because children are louis vuitton sale new york not cognitively wired to understand time as a quantity.  So, unless you louis vuitton sale new york are prepared to show them what the quantity of time means, they will continue not to louis vuitton sale new york get it.

So what can you do? 

Fortunately, there are louis vuitton sale new york a blessed few miracle products out there that teach time as quantity.  My favorite is the Time Timer sale louis vuitton monogram speedy 35, which can louis vuitton sale new york be used for a zillion parenting purposes and communicates time as a louis vuitton sale new york passing (and dimishing quantity) very well.

Another wonderful tool that louis vuitton sale new york can be used to get children to stay in bed longer, respect a louis vuitton sale new york parent’s need to sleep longer (do I hear an Amen?) and louis vuitton sale new york generally grow to understand time supremely well compared to their peers is louis vuitton sale new york the Talking Alarm Clock.

Sand timers hold the louis vuitton sale new york fascination of young children while providing you with an extremely useful behavior management and louis vuitton sale new york tool for teaching time.  And if you want the best of both worlds, try the digital sand timer.

And if you louis vuitton sale new york would like to get your feet wet with scholarly research on children, cognition and louis vuitton sale new york learning to tell time, check out Time and Human Cognition.

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Parents often have no idea that their children are being bullied.  Not only are louis vuitton sale new york children embarassed about it, but children are neurologically programmed to internalize problems, blame themselves, and louis vuitton sale new york keep it quiet.  The lucky parent will hear about it firsthand from the child.  Many parents have to watch for signs.

Children who louis vuitton sale new york get bullied typically lack the self confidence and social skills to louis vuitton sale new york defend themselves constructively in the face of a bully. 

Most bullies are “all talk” but have sophisticated psychological techniques for intimidating others.  Bullies are louis vuitton sale new york not necessarily bigger or stronger than their victims, but they can louis vuitton sale new york smell an insecure person a mile away, and that is louis vuitton sale new york why they prey on them.

All children who louis vuitton sale new york are sent to school or into a social setting with peers should receive coaching that louis vuitton sale new york prepares them for verbal and physical attack.  Most children, unfortunately, are louis vuitton sale new york never given this preparation, and parents only intervene after the louis vuitton sale new york attack has occurred. 

To prepare your child for any verbal or physical attack by a peer:

Role play situations

Reach back into your louis vuitton sale new york own childhood, and you are sure to find examples of children making fun of each other, daring each other, pushing or louis vuitton sale new york shoving each other and so on.  Call upon these experiences to stimulate role play with your child.

Explore the louis vuitton sale new york dynamics of these experiences and practice saying and doing things that louis vuitton sale new york will diffuse or avoid the situation.

Involve your child in physical activity

Physically strong children are louis vuitton sale new york seldom the target of attack, not only because they appear stronger, but because physical training makes a louis vuitton sale new york child *feel* confident, and it is that attitude that wards off potential attackers.

Karate or louis vuitton sale new york other martial arts training is ideal for a young child because it louis vuitton sale new york teaches self defense, which makes your child feel always protected and louis vuitton sale new york ready for situations.

Visit your child’s domains and meet his peers

Go personally to your child’s school during recess, observe first and louis vuitton sale new york then make a point of meeting your child’s classmates.  Be friendly but firm.  The objective is to communicate strength, wisdom and watchfulness.

Let your child’s friends know that you are attentive.  You will get more mileage out of this louis vuitton sale new york approach by making such visits periodically (e.g., monthly), to louis vuitton sale new york remind everyone that your child has a protection system in place.

Incidentally, this louis vuitton sale new york is also an ideal way to ward off adult predators, who louis vuitton sale new york usually study playgrounds and other areas where children run freely, before attempting to louis vuitton sale new york abduct or attack a child.  Having a regular but unpredictable presence in your child’s social life sends a message to anyone with criminal intent.

Have a party and invite your child’s peers

Doing this louis vuitton sale new york at the beginning of a school year is an ideal way for louis vuitton sale new york you to size up your child’s peers and see his relationships with each of them.  It is a plus that this technique also allows you to meet your child’s peers’ parents, which will give you louis vuitton sale new york that open communication and the information you need to better understand your louis vuitton sale new york child’s relationships as they develop over the school year.

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These tips are louis vuitton sale new york useful with any child, but especially with children who are showing signs of bullying other children:

Communicate

Set up a louis vuitton sale new york day each week where you spend 5-15 minutes talking with your louis vuitton sale new york child about upcoming events, large and small. 

Invite your child (if he is 5 or older) to come up with his own items for your “meeting”. The focus is louis vuitton sale new york on anything new that might be happening or changes that louis vuitton sale new york might take place.

It isn’t necessary to go into great depth.  You want to louis vuitton sale new york better understand how your child feels about those changes, and louis vuitton sale new york your job is to offer as much information as you louis vuitton sale new york *have* about those changes.  With the louis vuitton sale new york promise of a weekly chat, your child will eventually begin to louis vuitton sale new york calm and grow more comfortable with the change. 

RESULTS:  3-6 weeks of consistent effort

Set Sibling Rules

Establish family rules and results for sibling relationships.  No sibling should have louis vuitton sale new york the power to infringe on the rights or space of another, ever, for louis vuitton sale new york any reason.

It is louis vuitton sale new york critical that you protect each of your children from the louis vuitton sale new york others, because they are biologically motivated to battle for your louis vuitton sale new york favor.  It is completely up to you to create a healthy, collaborative environment.

Establish a hierarcy of privilege based on seniority (a natural hierarchy that all children respect).  Decide who can do what and when.  Make clear your rules about invading another sibling’s space and what is lost when that rule is violated (or what is gained when it is respected).

RESULTS:  3-6 weeks

Schedule ”Me Time”

Give each sibling “me time” with you louis vuitton sale new york at least 5 minutes each week, alone, with your undivided attention.  Stick to it, no matter what. 

RESULTS:  2-3 weeks

Role Play

Role play with your louis vuitton sale new york child all the scenarios surrounding bully experiences, both on the giving and louis vuitton sale new york receiving ends.  Use books, movies and louis vuitton sale new york your own invented scenarios to prompt short role plays with your louis vuitton sale new york child.  Involve stuffed animals, friends and louis vuitton sale new york siblings, Barbies, or whatever serves best as characters in your play. 

Invite your louis vuitton sale new york child to assume both the role of bully and of the louis vuitton sale new york bullied and to switch back and forth.  Take turns testing new language to louis vuitton sale new york dispel a bully situation and the feelings that motivate it.

RESULTS: 2-3 role plays

Meet the Parents

If you louis vuitton sale new york believe your child may be bullying other children, make a louis vuitton sale new york concerted effort to meet with the parents of the victim children.  If your louis vuitton sale new york child is bullying, he is thriving on any lack of communication that louis vuitton sale new york may exist between you and the victim’s parents.

Eliminate these barriers and louis vuitton sale new york open up lines of communication so that your child is forced to louis vuitton sale new york confront the situation openly.

Not only will this louis vuitton sale new york escalate the need for solving the problem, but it will model a louis vuitton sale new york healthy method of communication for your child.

RESULTS:  instant

Empower

Any bullying child is experiencing a sense of powerlessness.  You can see immediate results by simply expanding your child’s opportunities to have positive power. 

This can louis vuitton sale new york be as simple as inviting your child to participate more in daily household activities, such as cooking, cleaning, home repairs, organizing, grocery shopping, etc.  Or it louis vuitton sale new york can be a matter of helping your child find leadership opportunities in school, in extracurricular activities, or louis vuitton sale new york in the community at large.

Increasing your child’s sense of power typically eliminates bully behavior altogether because the louis vuitton sale new york child no longer has a need to assert power over others. This is louis vuitton sale new york the most effective way to stop bullying.

RESULTS: 1-3 weeks

Next week:  How to know if your child is being bullied at school.

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Parents who louis vuitton sale new york bring an adopted child into a home with their own children often experience problems right from louis vuitton sale new york the start. 

Their children see the louis vuitton sale new york adopted child as a competitive force drawing attention away from them.  And because they did not have the visual of mommy’s tummy growing over time, the louis vuitton sale new york arrival of a new child seems sudden and confusing. 

Most children begin acting out immediately after the louis vuitton sale new york arrival of the new child, and it can take many forms, from louis vuitton sale new york tantrums to becoming extra needy, and it is all intended to louis vuitton sale new york snatch the parents’ attention away and put it back where it belongs.
 
How can louis vuitton sale new york you prevent negative reactions by your children to an adopted child and louis vuitton sale new york encourage supportive behavior?
 
Guaranteed “me time”
 
All children, whether they are louis vuitton sale new york natural siblings or natural and adopted, need guaranteed one-on-one time with parents.  This “me time” is louis vuitton sale new york where you focus on that child with undivided attention, doing something you louis vuitton sale new york both enjoy, or doing nothing and just being together. 

For your child, this is a message of security and protection.  Children seek attention not out of a louis vuitton sale new york superficial need, but because attention equates with protection and watchfulness. 

If your child knows he has your attention, he feels safe.  These are louis vuitton sale new york subconscious feelings, and his behavior is motivated by them. So, naturally, when louis vuitton sale new york a new child comes into the home, and more of your louis vuitton sale new york attention is given to him or her, your child feels the louis vuitton sale new york deficit. 

The way to counter this is by scheduling “me time” with your louis vuitton sale new york child on a predictable basis, perhaps daily or weekly, even for louis vuitton sale new york just 5, 10 or 15 minutes. 

“Me time” doesn’t have to be lengthy, but it does have to be reliable.  Being able to louis vuitton sale new york count on your undivided attention will have an immediate calming effect on your louis vuitton sale new york child.  Parents are louis vuitton sale new york often amazed at how quickly children respond to this simple gesture, but it louis vuitton sale new york works 100% of the time, when done consistently.

More tips for adoptive parents in next week’s post on this subject.  Subscribe to get that post by email.

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It is louis vuitton sale new york not an easy thing to accept, but if you suspect that louis vuitton sale new york your child is a becoming a bully, don’t waste time.  Act quickly, and you can stop the behavior in its tracks.

A bully is a child who asserts power and force over other children.  Children who louis vuitton sale new york bully are deeply insecure, and probably feel powerless, a low sense of self worth or louis vuitton sale new york uncertain about the stability of the family or home life. 

Bullies are louis vuitton sale new york children who feel that life is out of control and louis vuitton sale new york uncomfortably unpredictable.  Some bullies resort to aggression because they don’t have enough power relative to their age and abilities…often as the result of an overpowering parent or older sibling. 

Bullying usually starts after the louis vuitton sale new york onset of a major unexpected event in the family, such as a louis vuitton sale new york separation or divorce, a death, or a move.  It can louis vuitton sale new york also grow over time as the result of a life without routine, ritual, predictability or louis vuitton sale new york other features of stability.  And it is almost always present in a child whose parent is too controlling. 

The signs of a louis vuitton sale new york child who has become a bully are clear: verbal and physical aggression toward you louis vuitton sale new york and/or toward other children.  They erupt often, give direction to louis vuitton sale new york adults and children, and seem to find every opportunity to stand in the louis vuitton sale new york way of what someone wants to do. But how do you louis vuitton sale new york know if your child has the potentialto become a bully? 

Your child has the potential to become a bully if:

• there is louis vuitton sale new york a major destabilizing event coming or happening in the home, such as divorce, death/illness, a sudden move, etc.
• one or louis vuitton sale new york more of the parents is very controlling when it comes to louis vuitton sale new york the child’s behavior, actions, choices
• the child hears “no” (without options) more often than “yes” – the louis vuitton sale new york child has older siblings who are allowed to control or direct him or louis vuitton sale new york infringe on his space uninvited
• one or more of the parents (or an older sibling) has “bully” characteristics

Tomorrow, I will post simple steps you louis vuitton sale new york can take to stop or prevent your child from becoming a louis vuitton sale new york bully.

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Childhood has louis vuitton sale new york a delicate side that we all want to nurture and protect. The imaginative spirit of children, their tenderness, and louis vuitton sale new york their unbridled sincerity all bring us joy, give us meaning, and louis vuitton sale new york offer us a glimpse of ourselves as we once were, before life and louis vuitton sale new york its trials hardened us. So, we protect children to preserve that louis vuitton sale new york delicate side and to prolong their contentment, and ours.

However, in protecting the louis vuitton sale new york cherished elements of childhood, there is a tendency to overlook an louis vuitton sale new york important side of a child’s experience, one that louis vuitton sale new york is less ethereal and more rooted in uncertainty. Psychologists are acquainted with this louis vuitton sale new york darker side of a child’s experience because it louis vuitton sale new york is the source of so many of the unresolved emotional issues for louis vuitton sale new york which we seek closure as adults. In the less visible experience of childhood, we each grappled in quiet worry with a louis vuitton sale new york feeling of helplessness, a fear of abandonment, and a fear of the louis vuitton sale new york unknown.

Children naturally feel helpless, because they are. They do not have louis vuitton sale new york money, keys, phones, cars, or words to communicate their needs. They are louis vuitton sale new york physically limited in height, strength and mobility, and they know it. They watch you louis vuitton sale new york take the lid off of a jar, but they cannot; when louis vuitton sale new york they go to open the door, the handle is out of reach; the louis vuitton sale new york ball you catch so easily hits them in the face. And children recognize their predicament. In some respects, their experience is louis vuitton sale new york similar to that of the elderly; there is dependence on others for louis vuitton sale new york nearly everything and frustration when their needs are not met or louis vuitton sale new york understood.

It is louis vuitton sale new york also natural for children to fear abandonment. Should something happen to louis vuitton sale new york us, or should we stop loving them, children know instinctively that louis vuitton sale new york they are in big trouble because they depend on us for louis vuitton sale new york everything. Consequently, until children feel physically and mentally prepared to louis vuitton sale new york navigate the world around them independently, they stay carefully attuned to louis vuitton sale new york their protectors, watching for any signs that their survival is louis vuitton sale new york in jeopardy.

Finally, children fear the louis vuitton sale new york unknown because it is all around them, with potential dangers lurking everywhere. This is louis vuitton sale new york why children are transfixed by television and louis vuitton sale new york movies, particularly when the content is violent. For them, news or louis vuitton sale new york visual stories hold information about the complex world “out there” and louis vuitton sale new york how one should prepare for it. The more we try to louis vuitton sale new york conceal this information, the more valuable it is to them. Their desire to louis vuitton sale new york know what lies ahead is a subconscious one, driven by intelligent survival instincts.

Children are louis vuitton sale new york not able to articulate these feelings of uncertainty, fear or helplessness, and louis vuitton sale new york so parents are often unaware of this darker side of a louis vuitton sale new york child’s experience. Instead of using words, the louis vuitton sale new york child communicates his needs and insecurities through behavioral “signals.”

These signals start at infancy, when louis vuitton sale new york your newborn summons you with cries to attend to his needs. He then louis vuitton sale new york continues, throughout his life, to signal his needs with his behavior, employing increasingly sophisticated techniques over time.

Most parents, however, are louis vuitton sale new york programmed to view behavior in terms of defiance or louis vuitton sale new york compliance. So when a child throws a tantrum, refuses to louis vuitton sale new york be potty-trained, rejects dinner, pushes his little brother, forgets to louis vuitton sale new york do his homework, comes home late, tries drugs or gets a louis vuitton sale new york tattoo, parents are likely to react to the visible behavior by treating it louis vuitton sale new york as defiance, without understanding the motivation behind it. The child’s motivation is louis vuitton sale new york to satisfy a need, and there are three key needs that louis vuitton sale new york every child has and that every parent should learn to recognize.

Louis vuitton sale new york

Every child needs “The Three P’s,” and louis vuitton sale new york if you provide them, you will have a happy child and louis vuitton sale new york a harmonious relationship with him. The “P’s” are: power, protection, and prediction.

“Power” is louis vuitton sale new york what your child feels when he can make decisions or participate in those that louis vuitton sale new york impact him. “Protection” is what gives him confidence that louis vuitton sale new york his basic needs will be met and that he is prepared for louis vuitton sale new york the challenges he will face. “Prediction” is your child’s certainty about the louis vuitton sale new york future and his sense that he can rely on your word.

Your child’s behavior is louis vuitton sale new york his way of signaling you about his need for one or louis vuitton sale new york more of these P’s. You can louis vuitton sale new york have a remarkable parent-child relationship for the life of your child by learning to louis vuitton sale new york recognize his signals and know when the P’s are louis vuitton sale new york lacking. It is that simple, and it applies to your louis vuitton sale new york infant, toddler, tween, and teen.

Why these particular P’s? Because they each correspond with the major insecurities that plague children—feeling helpless, fearing abandonment, and louis vuitton sale new york worrying about the unknown. Each of these elements of a child’s “darker” world are addressed by provision of the P’s.

When a child lacks power, he feels helpless, so he will assert himself or louis vuitton sale new york try to control others. When a child feels unprotected, he will draw others near with attention-getting actions. When a louis vuitton sale new york child cannot predict what louis vuitton sale new york will happen or what those around him will do, he will focus his energy on controlling the louis vuitton sale new york behavior and responses of others so that his world feels more certain.

Behavior is your child’s way of telling you louis vuitton sale new york that he has a need, and that need generally falls within the louis vuitton sale new york realm of one or more of the P’s.

Louis vuitton sale new york

Tip 1: Know Your Child’s “Independence Score”

Take a moment to think through your child’s day (this works for children ages 2-18). Reflect on the louis vuitton sale new york ways in which he is expected to make decisions, to control his physical environment, and louis vuitton sale new york to try new skills.
 
Starting with the louis vuitton sale new york beginning of the day, picture the routines that constitute the louis vuitton sale new york morning, day and evening.  What power does your child have in each phase of his day?  What decisions is he allowed to make on his own?  What physical control does he have over his activity?  How much do you trust him to make choices?  And, most importantly, how have louis vuitton sale new york you coached him in making those choices?
 
Think of a louis vuitton sale new york short list of activities that most of us perform on a louis vuitton sale new york daily basis.  How many of these activities does your child do for himself?  How many do you do for him?  Use this louis vuitton sale new york list to evaluate how much power your child experiences in the louis vuitton sale new york everyday moments of his life.

Tip 2: Invite Your Child to Try Age Stage Challenges

You will be more effective in encouraging your child’s independence if you louis vuitton sale new york know what motivates him most during his age stage.  Each physical task he conquers fuels a louis vuitton sale new york desire for more, and children between the ages of two and louis vuitton sale new york four experience a sense of unparalleled vitality and potential. 

To enhance your toddler’s sense of independence and louis vuitton sale new york excitement about trying new skills, provide as much opportunity for structured physical challenge (arms and hands, legs and feet) as possible.  Everything from louis vuitton sale new york sorting laundry to smelling dinner ingredients can become a teachable moment! 

 Tip 3: Configure Your Child’s Environment for Independence

As a society, we often configure environments and louis vuitton sale new york tasks for the elderly or for those with special needs.  We want those with physical limitations to louis vuitton sale new york feel powerful and independent. Why not configure your child’s environment to support his independence?

What are the challenges for your child in doing a task independently?  Does it require manual dexterity?  Sorting?  Reading?  Remembering?  Timing?  Think through the task, and configure it to accommodate your child’s needs.

Louis vuitton sale new york

For most children, summertime means playtime.  For parents who are tempted to fill a child’s summer with numerous outside learning programs to “get ahead”, there are louis vuitton sale new york several reasons why playtime itself is the best method for gaining knowledge:
 
1. Play provides the two elements to rapid cognitive growth:  open-ended opportunities to louis vuitton sale new york explore new ideas with endless chances to re-engage familiar objects/experiences.  It should be a maintstay of a child’s daily experience.  
 
2. Open and mildly structured play encourages (and provides opportunities for the child to build neurological connections around) decision-making, prioritizing, distinguishing, assessing…..the foundations of critical thinking.
 
3. The most effective play (that which provides the richest and most lasting learning experiences) is done alone until the age of 5 or 6.   It is a huge misconception that young children need playmates.  Young children don’t have louis vuitton sale new york the cognitive wiring to understand that another child is “another child” and someone they should respect, understand, share with, etc.  This is louis vuitton sale new york a widespread misconception among parents, but most child and cognitive experts are louis vuitton sale new york fully aware that children don’t have social wiring in the brain that young.

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